Mary Baily was my 8-g-grandmother, and probably the most interesting person in my family.
For background on her story, see:
A lot of information about her has been found recently, about her marriage to the famous Rev Stephen Batchiler and her affair with George Rogers.
But there is one assumption everyone makes that I believe is wrong: that Mary plotted to marry the aged Rev Batchiler. In fact, Stephen Batchiler only announced the marriage when he was confronted by his enemies in Boston, while Mary was not arround. Although Stephen was fined for not filing the marriage, the marriage was never made official.
The marriage was Stephen's idea, not Mary's.
Shortly after Stephen returned to Maine where Mary resided, he moved out of the house and lived with his son's family, and filed for divorce. This was way before anyone knew Mary was pregnant.
Mary was making plans to marry George Rogers, when Stephen came home and announced they were married.
In those days before Equal Rights, women were not heard, and were subject to the whims of the male autocracy. Mary would have had no say in the matter.
After moving out, Stephen went out of his way to make life hard for Mary. Mary simply tried to make her own life as best as she could for her and her children. Mary had no power, no money, no influence. Stephen had many enemies, and it seems his only friends were some of his parishoners. People he could convince and persuade.
In fact, Stephen's treatment of Mary is symptomatic of what we would today call "coercive control." He forced an unreasonable demand on her, pressuring her with bullying and threats. He would say degrading things about her in his many letters. Stephen's children and grandchildren were also unkind to Mary, vilifying her on every occasion. He tried to enforce financial control over her, until he decided not too. He refused to divorce her until he was ready to die (in which she would have been free, anyway). The tactic of staying married to her tied her to him, and divorcing her at the last minute was an attempt to make sure she didn't get anything when he died. (However, it appears the child, Mary, did receive a slight inheritance from Steven, but the amount is not known. Mary was a grown married woman at this time.)
History has been unkind to Mary, as they are to many women. Mary is described as "graceless", "notorious", "conniving", and of committing falsehoods and "sexual irregularities".
Stephen is described as a vistim of his enemies and deceived by a "cunning" woman. Poor guy.
Because of the harshness of her punishment, her circumstances were known throughout New England. No one else was ever whipped for adultery. Instead, they were usually fined a couple of pounds. And "illegitimate" children were not uncommon then, as is true now.
Rev Batchilor's history and personal conduct does not bear close scrutiny. He was accused of soliciting his neighbor's wife while he was married. He was simultaneously loved and hated, but often ousted from where he lived and preached. After evaluating his papers and letters, it seems he had only one friend, Gov. John Winthrop. Who wasn't really all that helpful to Stephen. Couldn't he intervene and save Stephen from his predicaments? He never did.
She was able to marry legally for a third time and lived her life as an upstanding member of her community.
For background on her story, see:
- https://www.olddeadrelatives.com/histories/The%20Story%20of%20Mary%20Baily.pdf
- https://www.olddeadrelatives.com/getperson.php?personID=I626&tree=tree1
A lot of information about her has been found recently, about her marriage to the famous Rev Stephen Batchiler and her affair with George Rogers.
But there is one assumption everyone makes that I believe is wrong: that Mary plotted to marry the aged Rev Batchiler. In fact, Stephen Batchiler only announced the marriage when he was confronted by his enemies in Boston, while Mary was not arround. Although Stephen was fined for not filing the marriage, the marriage was never made official.
The marriage was Stephen's idea, not Mary's.
Shortly after Stephen returned to Maine where Mary resided, he moved out of the house and lived with his son's family, and filed for divorce. This was way before anyone knew Mary was pregnant.
Mary was making plans to marry George Rogers, when Stephen came home and announced they were married.
In those days before Equal Rights, women were not heard, and were subject to the whims of the male autocracy. Mary would have had no say in the matter.
After moving out, Stephen went out of his way to make life hard for Mary. Mary simply tried to make her own life as best as she could for her and her children. Mary had no power, no money, no influence. Stephen had many enemies, and it seems his only friends were some of his parishoners. People he could convince and persuade.
In fact, Stephen's treatment of Mary is symptomatic of what we would today call "coercive control." He forced an unreasonable demand on her, pressuring her with bullying and threats. He would say degrading things about her in his many letters. Stephen's children and grandchildren were also unkind to Mary, vilifying her on every occasion. He tried to enforce financial control over her, until he decided not too. He refused to divorce her until he was ready to die (in which she would have been free, anyway). The tactic of staying married to her tied her to him, and divorcing her at the last minute was an attempt to make sure she didn't get anything when he died. (However, it appears the child, Mary, did receive a slight inheritance from Steven, but the amount is not known. Mary was a grown married woman at this time.)
History has been unkind to Mary, as they are to many women. Mary is described as "graceless", "notorious", "conniving", and of committing falsehoods and "sexual irregularities".
Stephen is described as a vistim of his enemies and deceived by a "cunning" woman. Poor guy.
Because of the harshness of her punishment, her circumstances were known throughout New England. No one else was ever whipped for adultery. Instead, they were usually fined a couple of pounds. And "illegitimate" children were not uncommon then, as is true now.
Rev Batchilor's history and personal conduct does not bear close scrutiny. He was accused of soliciting his neighbor's wife while he was married. He was simultaneously loved and hated, but often ousted from where he lived and preached. After evaluating his papers and letters, it seems he had only one friend, Gov. John Winthrop. Who wasn't really all that helpful to Stephen. Couldn't he intervene and save Stephen from his predicaments? He never did.
She was able to marry legally for a third time and lived her life as an upstanding member of her community.
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